The Quilt of Your Soul
Finding Wheat, Weeds, and Grace in the Story of Your Life
Most of us have a drawer full of T-shirts that commemorate mission trips, retreats, races, and other events. Last Wednesday, I met a field hockey player who turned her T-shirt collection into a quilt. Each square tells a story of her search for God and her desire to serve others. What would your quilt look like?
If today’s Gospel were stitched into a quilt, each square would contain another image from Jesus’ parable: good seed, weeds, bundles, fire, and finally a barn full of wheat (cf. Mt. 13:24-30). The first square speaks about an enemy. Too often, we forget that there is an enemy involved in our search for God. He often works quietly, unobserved. We see this in the weeds that grow among the good seed. It is too easy for us to justify ourselves. This is just the way I am. Part of this comes from the fact that we are ashamed of the brokenness in our own lives. We don’t want to admit that weeds have taken root in our hearts. We would like to just tear it out, but this is impossible. Until the harvest, the weeds remain mixed with the wheat. We need to allow Christ to root it out of our hearts.
Opening your heart
God continually sows good seed in our hearts, and we cooperate with his grace by reading good books, spending time in adoration, and surrounding ourselves with friends who help us grow in faith. But the enemy is wily, and he can sneak in with his insidious seed. The seed grows up, and we might be ashamed of it. Sometimes we discover temptations, habits, thoughts, or actions that surprise us. We ask ourselves, “Where did that come from?” The enemy often works quietly, but Christ is never surprised by our weakness. Retreats are great opportunities to gather the weeds and put them in bundles that we can set on fire. This first square of the quilt has good seed, bad seed, bundles, and fire. What is the good seed in your life? How do you open your heart so that God can speak to you?
Going on Retreat
When you go on a retreat, you get an opportunity to reflect on your life in the presence of God. He can help you see the good and bad things that are going on, especially where you have moral responsibility. Sometimes, there are bad things in our lives that are beyond our power to change. Maybe we have a difficult relationship we have tried to improve, but there seems to be just no way to move forward. We reflect first whether or not we have done what we can. Then, we give it over to God. Don’t be too easy to say “there is nothing I can do,” because too often this is a subterfuge that is simply covering up a desire to give up.
As the retreat goes on, you begin gathering those weeds into bundles. Maybe I notice that I am often distracted with unhealthy fantasies or destructive thoughts. Well, I need to see what the sources could be. Maybe I am reading stories and watching things on my phone that feed these bad images. I start to bundle all of this up and prepare a bonfire for these weeds, and then I go for a good confession. I get God’s grace and, hopefully, some good advice so I can move forward. The beautiful thing is that Jesus is the gardener. He knows exactly what is wheat and what is weed, and he never stops working patiently in our hearts.
Good Wheat
That quilt square is not all about burning. Jesus talks about gathering up the good wheat into the barn. A retreat is not primarily about beating ourselves up for our moral failings. Rather, it is a time to recognize God’s grace and blessings in our lives. We are able to walk through the field of our minds and grow in gratitude towards God who watches out for us at every turn. He desires our happiness because he desires our holiness.
Tying it all together
Take some time this week and think of the 5 most significant events of the past year. Maybe some of them even have T-shirts. Think of each event and figure out what was good seed and what was bad seed. Think about what needs to be bundled and burned, and what you should gather in for eternal life. Go to Jesus and tell him what is going on in your heart. When you look honestly at the quilt of your life, don’t be surprised if you find both wheat and weeds. When you bring the quilt of your life to Jesus, don’t hide the torn pieces. He already knows where every patch came from. Bring him the whole quilt, because he is patient, merciful, and committed to stitching every square into the masterpiece he intends your life to become.